Hello Kindreds

Here we are at the end of the year already! How did that happen? Two weeks until Christmas – how did that happen? Answers on a postcard, or Christmas card!

Great tidings and freezing on stage

I shared a Christmas poem at my church’s carol service. We had 2 carol services this year.

For some reason, at the first service, despite having rehearsed and memorised the poem, my mind went blank after the first couple of lines. I can now say I know what people mean when they say “I died on stage.” An awful, uncomfortable silence that seemed to go on forever, where you are staring at a room full of people, who are staring back at you with a mixture of pity and horror as they wonder if you will be able to give them what you’re on stage for.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking so many things – I’ve messed this up, people will think I don’t know what I’m doing, shall I just walk off the stage and get my printed copy, shall I just give up! That felt unthinkable, so I just stood there frozen in indecision.

Eventually, someone started clapping, then my vicar, bless him, handed me the words on his phone. I had another go, and it was fine. I didn’t really need them in the end, but it kick-started my brain. It felt like a kind of malfunction. I wasn’t nervous at all – that’s what annoyed me the most. I’d practised so hard, had an early night, it was all in there for goodness sake!

Afterwards, so many people hugged me and said well done, how bad they felt for me and shared their own stories of similar experiences – that was nice. These things happen to the best of performers – it’s humbling in a way to realise no-one is perfect all the time!

Joyful joyful

I feel quite joyful this year. I was unwell this time last year and missed out on most of the festive celebrations, so I’m really appreciating them this year. I’m thankful that I’ve also felt a lot better this year and have enjoyed the extra energy to do so much more. Normal things like socialising. Being able to do the things you love also gives you a boost. I’ve been told multiple times that I’m glowing or that I ‘look well’ – a phrase that gives mixed emotions when you have a chronic illness! People have said that to me when I’ve been really unwell because I’d lost weight. (I haven’t lost weight – I’ve already put it on from all the mince pies!).

Inspiring workshops

Last month, I was looking for inspiration, and this month, I definitely found it in 2 workshops I went to. The first was a workshop run by the Obsidian Foundation’s Nick Makoha. We learnt about Ekphrasis and practised this process by viewing paintings and writing poems in response. You can read about the workshop in this Instagram post.

For the second, I travelled to Leicester for an event about choreopoetry, a technique of creating poetry for performance. Carol’s particular framework is grounded in using non-Western rhythms, dialects and accents and physical theatre.

Both encouraged experimentation, and the choreopoetry workshop in particular helped me draw some dots between my instinctive performance style and my Nigerian heritage. I really hope to put this into practice soon.

Playing and experimenting were so helpful in getting me out of the rut that perfectionism can get me into. I’ve also started freewriting a lot more too, which undoes the cogs too. I also started a new Substack called Adukeh Writes. I feel a bit drawn to write longer pieces and tell stories, so in the spirit of experimentation – I’m just doing it!

Other stuff

I haven’t done too much in terms of promotion this month, I’ve been mainly reviewing some courses I signed up to and working on some other sources of income – more about that in future hopefully.

I’ve also set up a Buy me a coffee page if you feel you would like to support, but you don’t want to set up a monthly subscription. No obligation of course 🙂

How has your year been? Let me know.

I’m wishing you a peaceful, restful, Christmas season.